When I check inside I find


When I Check Inside I Find……..
a whole slew of people of various ages and developmental levels. I find a world separate from the outside world. A world with so many things and areas, both explored and unexplored. I find Souls who are possessing emotions and memories of a wide variety of shape, size, and level.
I find sadness, and hurt. I find anger, and rage. I find panic and terror. I find acceptness and disbelieve. I find remembering and forgetting. I find memories and images of years long past. I find littles cowering from memories and people not alive. I find disbelieve that it is possible to be safe.
I see survivors. I See unwillingness to give up. I see strength and courage, similar to the strength and courage displayed by the survivors of hurricane Katrina.
I see joy and laugther at the small things. The smile at a new stuffie from the thrift store. The joy at a 50 cent puzzle or 25 cent book.  The amazement that Nathan really listens to them, hears them and responds. The amazement that the rules are few and consistent. I notice amazement at learning it is ok to spill, ok to do so many things that weren’t permitted.  So many littles, so many young ones, so much courage it humbles me.
I find animals of all sorts when I look inside. As protectors animals don’t betray as humans do. Animals don’t fail. I see animals with such amazing kindness and protection and love in their eyes for the child or children they protect.
I see nature beautiful and untouched by the human hand. Nature that will live forever. Nature that is untouched.
I see daylight inside, In a world that has no night. For night and dawn was the danger time. The time bad men came.
 I see confusion when I look inside. Confusion at why they share a body. Confusion and terror at learning that the outside body doesn’t look like they do. I see confusion and terror over learning that it isn’t something all adults do, confusion and disbelief that it wasn’t ok, nor all they were good for.   I see confusion when Nathan asks before he hugs, confusion that crying doesn’t mean punishment.

Most of all when I look inside I see survivors. For that is what we all are. Survivors. We survived what many do not. We survived to escape that hell. We survived to see another day and we still do.
 We survived like many people in the New Orleans area did. And we mourn those who didn’t survive, both those in the New Orleans area and victims of all crimes who don’t survive.


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