As My Eyes Open And Scan The Immediate Area


As My Eyes Open And Scan The Area Immediately Around Me, I Breath A Sigh Of Relief.  I Am On The Couch.  (I Hate Coming To In Public It Feels Dangerous)  I Take A Few Moments To Orient Myself By Looking At The First Clock Number.  It Says 5, I Look Outside It’s Daylight, How Strange For Me The Soul Usually Here At Night, It’s Quite Early.  I Get Up And Walk Around, N Isn’t Here, Must Be Still Working.    I Quickly Decide To Write Determined  I Will Make The Best Of My Extra Front Time.  
Sitting Down At The Computer I Ready Myself To Write, When Suddenly,I Look Around And It’s Dark. What The Fuck I Think As I Try To FIrst Determine I Am Safe. I Am Inside Somewhere, Standing Up I Dump Auggie Our Cat On The Ground.  Muttering Sorry I Stumble To A Door.  Upon Opening It I Discover I Was Just In The Closet.  So Much For Writing I Think, As I Wonder How Long It Has Been Since I Was Sat At The Computer.    As I Once Again Look At The Clock I Discover The Front Number Says 6, So I’ve Lost One Number.
   Parched I Decide To Get A Drink And A Snack.  I Sit Down To Eat,  I Look Around And Where Is My Snack, I Swear I Just Had A Bag Of BBQ Chips, Taking A Drink I Almost Spit It Out, Tea, Gross I Think That Is Not What I Poured.  I Look At The Clock Whose Front Number Is Still 6.  I Decide I’ve Either Flipped My Lid Or Lost A Bit Of Time.   
 I Decide To Read, And Pull Out My Current Book, A Richard Laymon I’m Not Far Into, I Open It Up And Begin To Read.   Strange Thoughts And Words Begin To Flow Through The Head As I Put My Book Down Trying Desparately To Hold Onto The Words Which Are Constantly Just Out Of Reach.   As I Reach For My Book Once Again,  I Realize I Am Not Sat On The Rocking Chair Any Longer, I Am Laying On The Floor, The Arm Clutching A Stuffed Animal, Which I, In Irritation, Chuck Across The Room.  Both  Pets Laying Near As If Guarding Whomever Was Just Here, Come Up To Me And Sniff Me As If Trying To Decide Who I Am.  Satisfied With After Sniffing, They Go About Their Business.  Again Looking At The Clock I Watch The Front Number Which To 7
  I Realize I’m A Bit Sleepy And Decide To Go Lay Down,  Nap A Bit.    I Open My Eyes After What I Thought Was A Nap To Discover Cross-Stitch In My Hand. Good Thing I Didn’t Stretch My Arms I Think,  I Might Have Poked Myself With The Needle.
 Looking Around Me I Notice N Who Says Something To The Affect Of, ‘Hi’, As He Searches My Face For Signs Of Who He Is Now Speaking To.
  ‘Alex’, I Say, As My Gaze Searches Out The Clock He Says ‘It’s Just About 8.  I Haven’t Been Home Long, Raine Was Just Here.’   I Am About To Say I’m Hungry When Suddenly I Realize The Stomach Is Full.  Cursing Out Loud, N Says ‘Sorry We Just Ate You Missed It, I Didn’t Realize You Were Hungry.’   I Silently Wonder If I Will Ever Get To Do Anything Before It’s Time For Resting The Body. 
Things Quiet Down As I Am Able To Peacefully Without Incident Do Some Reading And Journaling.  I Stop Momentarily As I Think How Nice To Finally Get Some Time To Myself To Actually Do Something, When It Occurs To Me Something Is Off.    Wait I Think,  I’m In The Bathroom. Cursing Out Loud Again,  I Realize Something Is Running Down The Leg.
  ‘What The Fuck Is That’,  I Say As I Look Down And Simultaneously Realize What It Was.
  Pissed I Say Aloud, ‘Why Do You All Always Leave Me To Clean Up And  Yet  All Of You Always Hide The Blade’.  
 I Open The Drawer And Pull Out The Home-Made Kit I Put Together And Search Through It.   As I’m Waiting For The Blood To Stop Flowing, While Hoping This Isn’t A Bad One,  I Wonder Who It Was That Did That Cut. 
   At This Point I Notice N Standing In The Doorway When He Sees Me Notice Him He Says, “Why Didn’t You Wake Me Before You Did That.  Your Yelling Just Woke Me Up. Are You Ok?”
 “You Must Have Me Confused It’s Alex, I’m Just Cleaning Up”   He Nods As He Knows I Don’t Cut.  As He Asks ‘How Bad Is It This Time’, I Lift Up The Cloth  And We Both See That The Blood Flow Has Stopped And A Trip To The Emergency Room Thankfully Isn’t In The Cards For Tonight. 
  He Exits The Room In Search Of His Ciggarettes As I Bandage The Latest Wound And Finish Cleaning Up.    Before Too Long He Falls Back Asleep.   I Journal A Bit,  While Pondering How To Help Someone Not Feel The Need To Cut When Neither I Nor N  Know Who Did It. 
Deciding I’ve Had Enough Reality, I Pick Up My Book And Read.   After Watching Roseanne, I Sit Down To Journal And Get The Urge To Write Once Again.   Thankfully I Am  Finally Able To Write For Awhile.  After Writing And  A Few Edits I Determine I Am Done Editing Or My Writing Will Never Get Posted.


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