Something that happened today, brings this to mind.
I am always feeling the need and appologizing for things other souls say or do.
Saying i’m sorry, stammering to explain something that i don’t understand, saying it won’t happen again,  feeling like i should just go away, why bother to have connection to people? the other souls I think often are trying to ruin it.
They aren’t always very social, or used to people and such.
They certainly lack manners, tack, and all that.
And yes they are human and make mistakes.
I have spent a lifetime appologizing for a wide variety of things.  For a long time I didn’t even know what I was appoligizing for. I was often sure that the person was lying, though I never accused anyone of it.
Now I know it is the others in the system.   Still i am always embarrased and wishing I could dissapear into the ground or turn back the clock to take their words back.
I’m not one for conflict at all. I will do about anything to avoid it.  Unfortunatly there are souls who are quite opposite that, and perceive attacks and rudness where it doesn’t exist.
I am almost in tears, because simply I am tired of it.
I didn’t ask to be a multiple and don’t want this. I want my old life back, that life which was just a big lie apparently.
I am in tears now.   My words probably make little sense.
I could choose to not appologize to someone for another berri, but if I don’t it is unlike the soul will. Quite simply they don’t care what others say and think, or do.    Some like to argue, some think everyone are rude. Some just plain hate everyone.
I wish I felt I didn’t have to appologize for everyone.
And yet I continue to do so.
I don’t by far recall everything I have ever appologized for. There have been some doozies (Sp?) though.   Things I find so embarrasing I can’t write them here.


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