Heidi’s First post

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I’m Heidi.  I have been told about the existence of this blog by Sierra, as well as a few others in the system.
 Some of you from the journalwriting group may recognize my name. Hi to those of you.   Hi to those I don’t know as well. 
I hope everyone reading this finds themselves well.
I’m 23 currently. Some parts of the year I am 24.  Strange I realize. I have always been those ages.  
I am one of the early souls in the system. Not the first. Don’t mistake my words. I have been around for a long time however.
I had a quite different job/role/function back then. I watched what happened.  For a long time I thought I was an angel, sent to watch these children go through things.    I don’t recall actually learning that was not the case at some specific moment. I think it was more of a gradual realization.  
 I don’t carry feelings.  I couldn’t have been a witness, if I had feelings about it.   If anyone was able to hear me speak aloud, I am told I speak in a monotone.  
I know a lot about the system, about what went on.  
Some therapists and ‘experts’  say I am what is called  a memory trace. I am on the fence about that, because there are souls in the system I have no clue what they have gone through. I think there are more than one memory trace type souls here.  I have only part of the memories dealing with specific person(s)
 I have been away inside for some unknown to me length of time, dealing with 2 teen bullies in the system.   Bullies are never easy to deal with, and rationalize with.  I have made progress.
 I hope to be out here a bit more in the times coming.  I would like to read the past entries here.
 For now I close and post. Not being out for awhile, leaves one tiring quickly out here.
 In Peace,
 Heidi

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