Monthly Archives: December 2005

Kassie’s second entry


 Kassie-Second Entry
I am well.  It was a hectic day yesterday.  Hollie had to come out and clean, as the maintenance men had to be called to come fix the toilet and the refrigerator and put a new light in the kitchen. They have come and gone now. Mallow wasn’t too happy that they were here. I was nervous I admitt.   It went okay and they weren’t here long. They were able to fix it all so that is good.
 Sierra was here early today.    The glasses broke last night while Alex was cleaning them, right in a place that is hard to fix.   Being as the body and we can’t see much at all without glasses, this is a big issue. Sierra was able to come out last night and use a twist tie and some hot glue gun to temporarily repair the glasses.  She called the place we got them at. Unfortunatly the warantee expired like 5 months ago.    So she had to call different places trying to find someone open in the next few days (with new years everyone is closed)  who can hopefully put the existing lenses in new frames. Otherwise the expense will be about 60$ higher as well as they will need the existing lenses perhaps which is a problem. As we seriously can’t see without glasses on. We wouldn’t be able to do anything but sit on the couch, the eyes are that bad.   I dunno what Sierra worked out. I assume she’ll tell Nathan when he gets home from work later and then he’ll tell me.   At least Sierra was able to rig them temporarily, i’m thankful about that for sure.    So that has been the excitement of the day.
 Kathryn just does it if she happens to come out and the body is too full for her liking. It was quite a surprise to everyone here it seems as well throwing up is a trigger here.
 I am learning everyday about the world, and am settling in well.   I didn’t get anything but a few movies for christmas as I really want a guitar and we were unable to find a good used one. So I decided to wait until we can find one.

 I have watched many movies since my first entry here.  I have also read good books. I am currently about to start Charles Dickens first novel, The Pickwick Papers.
 I enjoy life. I enjoy the time I get out here, and hope to get here more often. I am new to journaling and such, and haven’t written or read any of the messages at that journalwriting group as I feel like an intruder.
Have a delightful day!


a Multiple’s christmas


A Multiples Christmas
Written By Alex–

When You Are Part Of A Multiple System Time Gets Interesting On Special Days.

Christmas Is I Hear (This Was My First One) Are Notoriously Difficult. I Am TOld On A WHole This ONe IS One Of The Best Ever.

Christmas Presents Take Hours To Open As There Are Gifts For Many Souls, And Groups Of SOuls (Littles, Betweens, Teens, Adults)

There Is Much Excitment and Fear Over Past Memories.   Some Had There First Happy CHristmas Some Like Me The First Christmas Ever. There Are Gifts Of ALl SOrts Really. For Every Age Group. Toys Such As Barbies, Dolls, Blocks, And Stuffies For Littles. Age Appropriate Computer Games, Books,  Games For Betweens,  Teens Got Mostly Art Stuff, And Journals Of There Own. The Adults Get Books MOstly.  Really It IS More About Getting The Rest Of The System Stuff Than Ourselves This Year (money Being Tight)

I Am Not One Who Is Big On Mushy Things, But The Joy Felt When A Little Opens A GIft Through There Fear When The Last Gift They Got Was A Brick And Discovers Just What They Wanted Is A Joy That SUrpasses All Else.

I Didn’t Really Understand The Thought Heidi Said To Me Before Christmas, That ALthough many People Forget,  Christmas Is About Giving. I understand That Now.

Below Is A List Of Books We All Got.  They Are Mixed Together. Not Sure If ANyone Here Who Reads This (Does Anyone Read This?) COuld Tell What Books Are For Who, But many Of Us Adults Who Write In The Journal Group Are Represented. (easiest To Pick out Are Probably The Ones Heidi Got, Who Is Our Mythology, Religon Soul)

CHristmas Dinner goes Like This:   Sierra Spends All Day Alternating Between COoking And ALlowing Littles To Play With There Stuff, And Resting Inside.   Kassie And I Watch What Is Going On From An Unnamed Location,  There Is Lots Of Switching To play, Cook, And Be Sure We Get To Stay Here, And That Here Is Really This House And NOt Back then (As Many Put It), When DInner Is Ready Starting With The Littles Everyone Gets One bite Of Each Food Dish.  When The Stomach Is Full That Is It, And The Process Starts All Over The Next Day For Leftovers Until Everyone Has Tried Some.  (Or All Who Want To).

Sierra Got A Beautiful Hand made Gift From The LIttles And Betweens In The System, But That IS Her Story To Tell Not Mine.

Meanwhile Life Clears Somewhat, And Days Are Not Such A Foggy Blur.

Amazing It Is That Although There Can Be A Crisis In The System, There Is Functioning, Things Get Done (Mostly) And The System Gets Through. I Suppose That Is The Very Purpose Of Being Multiple.

I think Of The Littles Inside, I See Them And I Can’t Fathom How And Adult COuld Be So Horrid And Enjoy Those Sorts Of Things, How Fucking Sick Is That?   I Don’t Have To Be All Buddy Buddy WIth Littles (And I’m Not)  To See How Wrong And Fucked Up That Was.

I’d Like To End This With A Message To One Of The Bastard Abusers Of So many Little Ones In The System:  Your A Bastard may You Rot And Get Your Dues Tenfold In Everlasting Hell.

Douglas Preston And Lincoln Childs- Relic, And Reliquary
Ray Garton-The Loveliest Dead
Margaret Murphy- Darkness Falls
Tim Lebbon-Berserek
Rob Palmer-No Time To Hide
Stephen King- Pet Cemetary, Carrie, Thinner, Firestarter, Salem’s Lot, And Tommyknocker’s
The Bhagavad-Gita
Wisdom Of The Elders
The Buddha
A LIttle House On The Prarie
Secret Garden
A Bobbsey Twins
Black Beauty
An Assortment Of Young Kid’s Book
Starlight Barking (Book That Is The Basis For 101 Dalmations)
A BabySitters Club
Treasure Island
Richard Laymon- In The Dark
Terry Brooks- The Scions Of Shannara
Sharon Green-Amazon Warrior Jalav 1 Crystals Of Mida
Mary Ann Mitchell-Sips of Blood
Graham Masterson-The House That Jack Built
Joe McGinniss- Cruel Doubt
Taylor Smith-Liar’s Market

And Last But Not Least
Anne Rule In The name Of Love And Other True Cases

Thoughts of many written by one


Thoughts of many written here by one

*Note: When A bunch of people are talking to you it is hard to make sense of things.  As a direct result this post will jump from topic to topic more than usual.
I read emails from the journal groups, and can’t reply.  Days go by without knowledge, even weeks.

Time is nonexistent in a way only experienced  during the holiday seasons of this time of year and *aster.  It is impossible for me to explain that. The best I can do is when you go to work and suddenly it is time to go home at night, only here suddenly it is a new day or week. Life can seem like a big game of catch up.   Catching up to what is going on in the world, in the house, with N and with the others in the system.

We each when struggling tend to isolate and shut down the fragile lines of communication we fought and worked so hard for.   Each struggling alone, when the struggles could be shared.  Quite ashame, though It never occurs to many of us that we could share our struggles, the instinct is to go it alone.

Somehow we move forward, life moves forward.  Someone in the system, no a bunch of someones working sort of together and sort of not, keep things going.
Shopping for the littles, betweens, teens in the system is done and gifts await wrapping.

Though a difficult time for reasons not necessary to go into (who wants to hear about that crap? NOBODY!) , the innocent joy the littles express through their pain, and memories is amazing.  Their belief that people are good, and that their is a Santa Claus is something I can’t understand.  They speak I think to the fragility of a human, and yet moreso and more importantly to the resilency of the human spirit. Given no choice but death, it is truly amazing what a human can live through.
This time of year I am reminded that life is a gift, life is a special gift, one that we in the system have fought for.   At A time and on a day that has been extra difficult I read an email from a journal group that spawned this entry and reminded me that life is a gift, that you have to fight for your own small bits of happiness. Not the happiness of winning a lottery, or the happiness of having a perfect life,  but the small joys in life. Seeing the wonder of snow,  being able to wake up and have another day,  the undying love of pets,  the joy at the small things in life. It is the small joys that make this continued battle worth it. The joy when a little smiles, The joy when someone eats for the first time, or is told they never have to stand in the corner again, joy in learning the name of a traumatized terrified little, the joy of making the holiday different enough that a special little is willing to come out at all.   There are many things that keep you down, if you let them. There are many reasons to never get out of bed ever again.   And somedays that is all you can do.  Get through the day however you can, but days you can celebrate life, do it.  Don’t let life keep you down.    A quote one particularly strong soul in the system says quite often  is “If life knocks you down 7 times stand up 8.”

Some people out there probably take pity on us, or feel sorry for us.  For the childhood we had, and the type of life we lead.  Do not.  We are lucky to be multiple. It is a gift in my eyes. The gift of life, the gift of the body being able to live.   You can’t imagine life this way. I can’t imagine life any other way.  I feel badly for people who feel every feeling. The idea of that is totally silly and foreign to me.   How is it possible?   Some people who are multiple even view it as some terrible thing,  it isn’t.  It saved the body.  It was a wonderful gift at a time when there was no other choice.

My wish for the world is that they stop and count there blessings.  Don’t take life and time for granted.   Do what you want to do as much as you can.   Life is too precious to waste away running around.   People grow up and loose sight of the miracles all around them, they concentrate on getting Billy to soccer, and getting dinner on the table.   Time is what you make of it.   Make it what you want as often as possible.