Sierra’s path to discovery of being multiple-#1
Our hope is that by getting to know bits about us you will understand multiples a bit better. We hope that if you ever meet a multiple in real life you will not automatically turn away, but you will give them a chance and hold out your hand for friendship. Being a multiple can be an isolating thing, to have friends is not easy, especially after a lifetime of loosing them due to being strange.
Who knows perhaps you already know a multiple and just don’t realize it.
I found that writing this down, putting it out there for people to see (albeit a small group of people) is not easy.
This will be just bits and pieces of stuff that is recalled. With Ray’s Secret identity Posts in his blog for instance there is a clear timeline. For me ,for us there is no real clear sense of time. That said some things I can put order based on common sense.
I will only tell the story bits of my own. The rest of the story is not mine to tell. Other bits of the story are the stories of other souls to tell and you will here from some of them in later entries. Some will write themselves and some will tell me or another Patch member what to write.
There are things we will not talk about. Things that are quite private and not meant for here. You will not ever hear about how we became multiple. That isn’t a story anyone wants to hear and is not one we are capable of telling. You will not ever hear any identifying information for location or the name of the body. You will only hear from a selected few Patch members, only some of whom will speak themselves and give their names.
My story, my memories begin at best guess somewhere between grade 7 and 8
I am sitting on a bed in a bedroom thinking ‘ this is a nice room.’ As I sat there looking around stuff began to float through my head. Strange things like ‘my’ name, ‘my’ parents names, where I lived, I saw pictures of things, a person talking to a lady, an image of this same person walking to school. A voice called “Time for dinner”
I recall being in a winnabego. You know a camper. I recognized the brother. As I was looking around more stuff began to float through my head, the name of the friend who was sat there, where we were going (Disney World) Again ‘my’ name floated through my head.
Suddenly I realized I was at Disney World. As I wondered how I suddenly was standing in line for space mountain more things floated through ‘my’ mind. Images of ‘me’ arriving at the campsite, images of what had been done since I last could recall. I didn’t give any thought to it. After all this happened to everyone, I was sure of it.
Somewhere between 7th and 8th grade the friend,Renee was angry and saying that I didn’t show up wherever it was we were to meet. Only thing was I had no idea what she was talking about. I waited for the knowledge of what happened to float into my head, only it never came. I never did find out where I was to meet that friend. She told me that it wasn’t the first time it happened. After saying it was the final straw, that she knew I was strange but that this was too weird for her, she told me never to talk to her again. I was quite ashamed and never did.
I berated myself as was usual, and wrote it off quickly to a bad memory and to not trying hard enough to remember, a message that many authority figures in life said to me a lot.
Sometime later ………
I clearly recall Penny (a junior high/high school friend) saying “hey where are you going”. I realized at that moment that I was running away from her. I waited for an image for some words to float to me about what was going on only nothing ever did. I don’t recall now what I told her. I know I just made something up. If she didn’t buy my story she never asked about it.
I was shocked when I found out that it wasn’t normal to experience memories how I did.
It set off a series of events……..
We were sat on a swing set talking, Penny and I………. I don’t recall what was being discussed, perhaps something about dreams, or memories. I told her something I remembered and not realizing it wasn’t normal I mentioned how I saw the entire body as if I was looking at it from behind and slightly above. I recall her turning to me and saying something to the effect of ‘ what are you talking about that isn’t how memories are, that isn’t normal.’ After she assured me none of her memories were like that, I managed to stammer out that it was just a fluke, and that it wasn’t how memories usually were to me. Judging her reaction I knew I couldn’t tell her that was how 99% of my memories were. I didn’t want to be different and I didn’t want her to think I was strange. She was the only friend I had and I didn’t want loose her friendship………
I suddenly felt this strange sensation. Something running down the arm, at first I thought it was water. I looked down and saw blood running down the arm. At that moment I heard footsteps on the stairs and mom calling, ‘what are you doing with the door closed?’ As her footsteps grew closer, I realized I only moments to decide what to do.
To be continued………….