Monthly Archives: February 2006

61 questions-alex

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61 Questions-Alex

1. What time did you really get up this morning?
My Job Does Not Entail Waking Up, It Does Entail Going To Bed, Which I Do At About 4 Am.
2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Don’t Like Jewelry
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Never been to The Cinema.
4. What is your favorite T.V. show?
Roseanne, Simpsons, And Survivorman( I am Shocked He Hasn’t Died Yet)
5. What did you have for breakfast
Not Out Then, Currently Eating Fiesta Been, Rice And Beef Soup
6. What is your middle name?
Don’t Have One
7. What is your favorite food?
Microwave Mac N Cheese, Peanut Butter And Jelly Bagel, Buttermilk Waffles
8. What foods do you dislike?
Gross Ones.
9. What is your favorite potato chip
BBQ
10. What is your favorite tape
Say What?
11. What kind of car do you drive?
Nobody In The System IS Allowed To Drive
12. What is your favorite sandwich?
Never Had One. Does Peanut Butter And Jelly English Muffin Count?
13. What characteristics do you despise?
Abusiveness, Cruelty To Animals, Whining, Self Pity
14. Favorite item of clothing?
Maroon Sweatshirt
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, it would be?
Africa to See All the Animals
16. What color is your bathroom?
No Idea
17. Favorite brand of clothes?
Clothes Have Brands?
18. Where would you like to retire?
The Middle Of Nature, Where there Are No Neighbors
19. Favorite time of day?
Night
20. Where were you born?
The Middle Of A Grassy Area
21. Favorite sport to watch?
Ewww Sports Are Dumb
22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
I’m Supposed To Send It Out?
23. Person you expect to send this back first?
Kassie She’ll Answer It When She Sees It On Yahoo360
What type of detergent do you use?
Ask Kassie I Don’t Do Laundry
25. Coke or Pepsi?
Diet Whatever Is On Sale
26. Morning and Night?
Night, Preferably With Stars And A Moon
What happened to 27?
It Didn’t Like Its Question And Left
28. Do you have pets?
Dog And Cat. Mallow And Auggie
29. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everybody? –
NO Si In Approximatly 10 days.
30. What did you want to be when you were little?
I was Never Little
31. Favorite Candy Bar?
Nestle Dark Crunch, And Oh Henry. Though Anything With Chocolate I’ll Eat.
32. What is your best childhood memory?
Didn’t Get Here Until June Of 05.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
Never Worked
34. What color underwear are you wearing?
Why You Wanting To Know?
37. Eye color-
No Idea What Color The Bodies Eyes Are, Mine Inside Are Gray
38. Ever Been to Africa?
NO But I’d Love To If I Had The Chance.
39. Ever been toilet papered?
What The Hell Does that Mean?
40. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry?
Don’t Do Love Or Crying.
41. Been in a car accident?
Nope
42. Croutons or Bacon bits?
No Salads Are Gross
43. Favorite day of the week?
Nope. Would Have To Know Them To Have one.
44. Favorite restaurant?
McDonald’s Quarter Pounder
45. Favorite flower
It Isn’t A Flower, It’s Billy Our Basil Plant
46. Favorite Ice Cream?
Meijer Brand Chocolate With Peanut Butter Ripples
47. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Don’t Watch Cartoons
48. Favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonalds (only One I’ve Been To) Lots Of Berriez Like To eat Out So we Take Turns.
49. What color is you bedroom carpet?
Never Looked.
50. How many times did you fail your drivers test?
Never Took It. From The People I See On The Road The Few Times I’ve Been IN A car, Most People Failed theres A LOT!
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last E-Mail
J_______
52 Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
If Had A Credit Card It Woudl Be A Book Store.
53. What do you do most often when you get bored?
Read, Write, Or Watch Tv, Though It Is Rare That I Have Enough Time Out TO Get Bored.
54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
Nobody. I’ll Read Whomever Replies But I’m Not Sat Here Waiting For Anyone To Answer.
55. Last person you went to dinner with?
Nathan
56. Ford or Chevy?
No Idea What They Are.
57. What are you listening to right now?
Roseanne
58. What person have you learned the most about life from?
Eaglewings
59. How many tattoos do you have?
None
60. How Many people are you sending this E-mail to?
None
61. Time you finished this E-Mail?
1:29 Am

Questionairre- sierra

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Questionairre-Sierra
1. What time did you really get up this morning?
Dunno what time the body got up today, I got out here about 1130am. I don’t sleep much inside.  I think I took a nap a few days ago.
2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Do I really have to choose just one?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
No idea. I don’t’ go to the cinema the crowds and the high volume level are too much.
4. What is your favorite T.V. show?
Currently-Ghost Whisperer.
5. What did you have for breakfast?
I don’t eat since I am not the front any longer.
6. What is your middle name?
My middle name Is Mae-the bodies is Ann.
7. What is your favorite food?
Does it have to be a food, my favorite thing is coffee. Food would be chinese.
8. What foods do you dislike?
plain bread, milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, White castle, and steak sandwiches with long hamburger meat-They are NOT steak sandwiches.
9. What is your favorite potato chip?
cheddar and sour cream, and Sour cream and onion
10. What is your favorite tape
Steve Martin’s The Jerk.
11. What kind of car do you drive?
I don’t drive any longer.
12. What is your favorite sandwich?
A good one- Impartial to club sandwiches with bacon, turkey, and roastbeef. Ruebans, and cheesesteaks.
13. What characteristics do you despise?
Lying, two-faced, loudness, conceited.
14. Favorite item of clothing?
I don’t have one. Clothes aren’t important to me.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, it would be?
Australia to see goodpenpal friends that live there.
16. What color is your bathroom?
um I’ll have to check-White
17. Favorite brand of clothes?
whatever is cheap and fit. Like I said in 14 clothes aren’t important to me.
18. Where would you like to retire?
a house that is unusual. Like one built in an old warehouse or something.
19. Favorite time of day?
Don’t have one.
20. Where were you born?
the body was born in a hospital, I have no idea where I was born.
21. Favorite sport to watch?
FOOTBALL!
22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
Everyone as I’m not sending it to anyone
23. Person you expect to send this back first?
Nobody I’m not sending it to anyone
What type of detergent do you use?
Whatever is on sale, that comes in a none perfumed version

25. Coke or Pepsi?
Coffee. I don’t drink pop.
26. Morning and Night?
Huh?
What happened to 27?
There is no 27? It went on vacation.
28. Do you have pets?
A dog, Mallow and a cat Auggie
29. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everybody?
Nope
30. What did you want to be when you were little?
I never was a child, I didn’t come to existence until later. In high school I wanted to be a child psychologist.
31. Favorite Candy Bar?
snickers and kitkat. Who can choose just one!
32. What is your best childhood memory?
Going to the library or to the nana and paps.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
babysitter, childcare, waitress, checkout clerk
34. What color underwear are you wearing?
Purple
37. Eye color-
blue
38. Ever Been to Africa?
no but i’d like to go
39. Ever been toilet papered?
no
40. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry?
yes.
41. Been in a car accident?
yes, broadsided by a guy without insurance.
42. Croutons or Bacon bits?
Both
43. Favorite day of the week?
anything but the weekend.
44. Favorite restaurant?
Don’t have one, I like them all.
45. Favorite flower
orchids
46. Favorite Ice Cream? –
anything with chocolate in it
47. Disney or Warner Brothers?
all cartoons are good, except the anime ones
48. Favorite fast food restaurant?
mc donalds big mac
49. What color is you bedroom carpet?
*goes and looks* beige
50. How many times did you fail your drivers test?
passed on first try
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last E-Mail-
penpal friend.
52 Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Dont’ have credit cards. If i had one it would be a bookstore one, or a toy store.
53. What do you do most often when you get bored?
I don’t have time to get bored.
54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
nobody really.
55. Last person you went to dinner with?
ummm probably the husband.
56. Ford or Chevy?
Neither.
57. What are you listening to right now?
tv
58. What person have you learned the most about life from?
the littles inside have taught me how much a person can take and still survive and thrive.
59. How many tattoos do you have?
none if we can ever agree on one we will get one.
60. How Many people are you sending this E-mail to?
none. I’ll post it on the yahoo360. Maybe other berriez will answer it there.
61. Time you finished this E-Mail?
216pm

words

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“The most primitive part
I back into at night
pushing the leathern curtain
with naked fingers
then
with naked body

There where every wound is registered
as scar tissue

A cave of scars!
ancient, archaic wallpaper
built up, layer on layer

from the earliest, dream-white
to yesterday’s, a red-black scrawl
a red mouth slowly closing

Go back so far there is another language
go back far enough the language
is no longer personal

these scars bear witness
but whether to repair
or to destruction
I no longer know”
Adrienne Rich

why write?

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Monday, February 13, 2006 2:12:04 am
Why Write? What do i get out of it? what purpose does it serve for me? I sit here and poise fingers over keys and think and magically words appear on the page. Yet i keep them hidden behind this passworded journal where they do little good for anyone. Do they do me good here? Do i get anything out of writing? It is all about the actual words on the paper or is it more than that?
I think it is more than that. There is so much to use to personalize each entry. The color, the style, the size of print, the background image to use.(not seen on the yahoo360) Why personalize it so much? That question is easily answered. Personalizing it makes it mine. I can change it to what I want depending on the day my mood or the content of what I want to write.
So much about my life is not my own. Writing is just for me. It is all mine.
I sit here and write things I wouldn’t tell anyone else. Is that cathartic? I’m not sure? I don’t truly believe I know what that word means and yet I write it here for what reason?
I save all these word of the day To a section of this journal for what purpose? Do I really think i will use the word in a story someday? Do I want to learn new words. I’m not sure.
I find I am a habitual saver. So much I can’t recall. I read each word of the day, but truly I can’t recall them now. I don’t know what sort of memory singletons have and frankly I don’t care. It doesn’t matter what sort of memory singletons have. I am not singleton. I am a multiple.
I wonder sometimes do i write about being multiple to the exclusion of other things? A hard question to answer. It is my life and part of who I am, whether i like it or not. To not write about it is ignoring a bit influence in my life. Balance is the key eaglewings would say. Balance is the key to all life. Is Life really in balance? I don’t think it is really. To me life is so out of balance so chaotic. To see the streets filled with cars going who knows where. To see people each thinking of themselves and their own lives. All these buildings where you can buy all these things. things that in the long run mean little and are quite trivial. Things don’t make a person happy. I stray from my point.  I walk outside and there is so much everywhere, noises, sights, sounds, It is a tad overwhelming. I equate it with chaos.
Are books things? I don’t believe they are. Books for me are alive. They breathe, they speak, they are so much more than things.
Do other people begin to write about one thing and find themselves writing about something totally different? Does it matter what I write about or just that I write because I enjoy it? Is that all that matters in the long run? That I enjoy writing so I do it?
I Read a post once from  a person in the journal group and they wrote about how they don’t journal more because they have nothing special or out of the ordinary to write. As if they can’t write what their thoughts are. Do they not think their thoughts are worthy? I just write. Poise the fingers over the keys, think, and away I go. No telling what or how much  will pop out.
I can write any time, no matter how late it is, It is here. I can type it or hand write it. I can just sit and let loose. A journal doesn’t care what my mood is, or how neat my writing is, or even if I make sense. It is just there to accept whatever i have to say. Where else in the world can you find that?
You can even write in the dark. Stories are ways to make life what you want. Make myself a character in a story, or total distraction by writing about strange people from foreign lands.
Writing is done for yourself to satisfy some primal need, and shared with others to fulfill some other primal need. I think most all people edit what they wrote when they share it with others. If they write it for the purpose to share stuff is edited out that they would leave in for their own eyes.   I Took things out of here when I posted this here.  Censoring that is the word I was looking for. I censor myself when writing here, or in the journal group, or even to the penpals.   I censor myself with everyone save 2 people. My sister, Kassie and Eaglewings.
Why write is the question I posed to start this entry. The answers I come up with are quite simple  I Write For me.   I censor my words for others to share bits of myself, but I write for me, I write for what I cannot say, I write for peace, I write to write.
Alex

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Usually I would write in a combination of colors. Today I will just use this one.
 I have been not here enough to write anything here lately. When I have been around I was quite foggy and unable to much of anything but sit and stare.  (due to stuff going on inside)
 Past few days (?) I have been feeling clearer. Much clearer. It made me realize the past weeks are gone totally from memory and stuff I have been told I was aware of were new to me again.
 I sit here today and i’m lonely. I know most of the people in here don’t get lonely. They like not having friends, they like the life of solitude. It works for them.  
It doesn’t work for me. I am a social person. I enjoy talking to people.   I talk to the bodies husband when he is home in the evening, and have a multiple system we email with. Other than that I have nobody out in this world. It is such a lonely life to be a mutliple and I don’t understand why it is that way.
 Sierra and others here tell me that people don’t understand time when you can’t talk or are unable to leave the house. People don’t understand the differences and don’t want to understand. Is everyone that way though? Or have other Berriez just been unfortunate to try to be friends with the wrong people?   We don’t drive at all.   It is just further isolation and at the moment I need to bitch and complain about it. (not something I usually do).
 How I long to be able to call a friend on the phone and  sit with them somewhere and talk, or go to the mall or do whatever it friends who live in the same country do.  
Yes the bodies husband is a friend (i don’t consider myself married to him) but he is a male. How I long to have a girl friend.  
The other day we went to the library and Nathan told me the following:
 A little was out to pick some books from the children’s section.  She saw a group of kids playing with puppets they have, and she really wanted to go join them and play. She asked Nathan who had the unfortunate task of trying to explain to her that she couldn’t go play because they kids and there parents wouldn’t understand that although the outside suit she wears is adult she is actually only 4.   It is heartbreaking that they can’t play with kids their own age. It is heartbreaking that the teens can’t have teen friends. Sure they have friends inside, and amongst the multiple system we talk to from across the world. It isn’t like sitting and talking to someone face to face.  It isn’t fair.  I wasn’t alive back during the childhood. I am aware though that the body was always an outcast, and considered strange. I am aware that friendships never lasted long. It isn’t fair that they will never get a chance to have friends their age. It isn’t fair that the multiple system we are friends with literrally lives around the world.   It isn’t fair that face to face meeting will never be monetarily possible. It isn’t fair to either system and it sucks. so much of life I learn isn’t fair, and you are lucky enough to read me bitching about it.  I am climbing off my pity party horse now and going to eat lunch.
 Sincerely,
 Kassie

Heidi’s Thoughts

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from feb 13- heidi
I wanted to put this here.
 
 Shamanic Astrology  –   Feb 13, Monday. Moon is moving into Virgo late tonight or early tomorrow morning energizing the archetypal realm of Spider Woman –  weaver of this web of life. Spider is the master weaver of the web drawing to her web all she needs to fulfill her divine purpose. Spider knows each individual thread of the web is crucial to the entire web and to a balanced _expression of the Whole creation and she attends to each one reweaving where necessary and even creating whole new webs when the old ones no longer serve or are beyond repair.
 
 
 I’m not a spider person. I try not to kill them but like them I do not. Yet this speaks to me. It is a personal thing for the most part. What is it about the animals we don’t like, how does that relate to our totem animals? Is it our shadow animal or something like that? I will have to research that if nobody knows the answer. I am amazed by spider webs. They are so intricate. I seem to know a bit about spiders, don’t even ask how, I don’t know. To think that some spin new webs every day, how amazing is that. How amazing how they catch there prey and wrap it and keep it alive until they are ready to eat. I wonder how old spiders are? Are they from back in the dinosaur ages? And the silk spiders use. What strong material. Stronger than anything humans can make. What amazing gross creatures spiders are.

 I faintly recall this game scene of the original playstation where in this one room there was a giant spider, I was so discusted by it.

 I hate the idea that there are old webs out there when old webs are beyond repair. Is anything ever totally beyond repair? If so how does one decide what is beyond repair?
 
 ‘Each individual thread of the web is crucial.’ I wish all the individual threads realized that.  

 The biggest  clearest thought I have after reading that and rambling for a bit, is this and I don’t think it means anything at all to anyone but me and that is okay.  What Berriez will be left? What Berriez if any are beyond repair? And if each thread of the web is crucial how does the web function if a few individual threads are lost?  Questions to ponder further for me.

 Just my brief collection of rambling thoughts.
 
 
 InPeace,
 Heidi