Monthly Archives: March 2006

Wasking of the water


Washing of the Water
(by Peter Gabriel )

River, river carry me on
Living river carry me on
River, river carry me on
To the place where I come from

So deep, so wide will you take me on your back for a ride
If I should fall would you swallow me deep inside

River, show me how to float
I feel like I’m sinking down
Thought that I could get along
But here in this water
My feet won’t touch the ground
I need something to turn myself around

Going away, away toward the sea
River deep, can you lift up and carry me
Oh roll on through the heartland
‘Til the sun has left the sky
River, river carry me high
‘Til the washing of the water will make it all alright
Let your waters reach me like she reached me tonight

Letting go, it’s so hard
The way it’s hurting now
to get this love untied
So tough to stay with this thing
‘Cos if I follow through
I face what I denied
I’ll get those hooks out of me
And I’ll take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side
Kill that fear of emptiness, that loneliness I hide

River, oh river, river running deep
Bring me something that will let me get to sleep
In the washing of the water will you take it all away
Bring me something to take this pain away


march 16, 2006


Entry for March 16, 2006

“If you have taken this rubble for my past
raking through it for fragments you could sell
know that I long ago moved on
deeper into the heart of the matter

If you think you can grasp me, think again:
my story flows in more than one direction
a delta springing from the riverbed
with its five fingers spread”
Adrienne Rich



Entry for March 14, 2006
I don’t have time to say much. It is time for me to go inside now. I just wanted to say hi.  I rarely get time to read journal group posts these days.  I still think of you all.
The system is having a decent day today! The sun is shining though it is still chilly, i hear it rained for a lot of day here so at least it isn’t raining.


random thoughts


Random Thoughts-Alex

I Been Quiet Lately In The Groups We Belong To That I Read. I Get So Far Behind In Emails And Then Read Them And Just Don’t Have Anything To Add. I Still Read Though.
Life Lately has Been Well I Don’t Know.   Time Is extra Fucked Up. I Sound Like A Broken Record About Time I Realize This, If You Don’t Like It Don’t Read This.
I know Lots of Littles Have Been Out Because The Walls Are Plastered With Their Work.
I Did Got Through The BOok Shelf And Put Together All The Books I Hope TO Read Before The Library Sale. The Sale Is In the End Of June. I Have No Idea How Far Away That Is.   Anyways I Want To Read These Books To See What TO Keep And What To Get Ride Off. Of Course Other Patch Members May CHoose To Take The Book Out Of The Give To The Library Pile To Keep.
I have Watched Some Sopranos Lately. First Season From The Library I Like  The Show.
Turns Out I Do Know A Bit Of What I’ve Been Doing.
Had Some Good ICe Cream The Other Night. CHocolate With Nestles Crunch In It.  Kassie Also made Some Banana Bread Which Was Awesome.
Not Sure If I’m Allowed To Say This Here, If Not I’m Sure SOmeone Will Edit This Out:
I Hear From Kassie that Some SOuls Are Going To Merge Together. HOw Strange I Find That. I Don’t Get How They Do It, Or Why They Would Want To. I See Merging As Death.  Why Would They Want To Do That?   Kassie Doesn’t Understand Either. Not Sure If Singletons Get That To Many Of Us JOining With Another Soul Is Death. Whatever Person Is Left, Is Changed.  The 2 Souls Are Not Separate Or Autonomous Any Longer.
I Know that Eaglewings Says Some Inside Will CHoose To Merge And SOme Will not. She Says We Will NEver Be One.  She Said It Just Isn’t Feasable For Some Systems.  (Note: For Some Systems Mergine to One IS A Feasable Option Just Not For All)
Self Injury Has Been  bad Lately.  I’m Not Allowed to Through Away There instruments.  The thought Is If I Do They Will Use Something That May Be More Harmful (A Razor Blade Is A Better Option To A Kitchen Knife, A CIgarrette Lighter IS Better than A Stove Top) SOmetimes I Get Out And Have to Clean Up Other Times I Don’t Realize It Until The Next Night When I Change Or Until I Roll Over Onto It When I Sleep.
Sleep Has Been A Nightmare.  Even The Sleeping Medicine Isn’t Helping.
There Have Also Been Nightmares. Kassie Reports having Most Of Them. She Says Some Mornings She Awakens And Knows She was Seeing Another Souls Nightmare.   She Lately Has Been Dreaming About Being Chased, People Exposing Themselves to Her,Killing Her Or Threatening her.   She Says When She Dreams She Sees Herself As She Is Inside Not The Outside Body. I Don’t Dream A LOt So I Dont Know If I Dream With The Outside Body Or my Body.
Someone in a group mentioned about the idea of there being more female cutters and Those suffering from An Ed Than males. I have To Say I think That Is Becuase Often Females Talk More About It. I Think For Many males To Admitt To Those Things Makes Them Seen By Other Males As Weak. LEts Face It Many Males Are Pigs. (I Admitt my view of the male gender has been skewed by personal Berrie Experiences, I did not sayAll Males Are Pigs, I said Many)  Many Women Are Pigs Too. (also Skewed By Personal Berrie Expereince)
I Don’t Believe That Cutting, Eds, Or Any Mental Illness Is More One Gender Than The Other.