A slice of my life- about panic

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A slice of my life

As my heart quickens and tightens in my chest
my breath is sucked from the depth of my being.
I do my best to fight this unwelcomed beast to no avail.
Suddenly my vision blackens at the edges,
I look down a tunnel now.
Desparate to get away, I fight harder.
Kicking, pleading for this monster to leave me.
Am I dreaming? Is this real?
The world has gone fuzzy, dreamy in quality.
Desparate to keep control I try to see through the dream,
to find the end of the tunnel.
All to no avail.
The worst is yet to come I know in the depth of my being.
It’s happening. Quickly I grab onto the nearest heavy object,
Desparate to not float away my knuckles are white.
I’m floating away, Leaving the body behind, my grasp was not enough.
I am beyond terrified now….
A million things going through my head…..
where will I land, will I crash, will I find the body,
will anyone notice i left, will i die?
Suddenly without warning I am snapped into the body,
I open my eyes to find an ice pack on my arm
N– calling my name, saying ‘it’s okay, your safe now.
i’ll hold on so you don’t float away’
Tears spring to my eyes as I realize it is ending for now.
Grateful as I am for my ‘anchor’
Already I am wondering when it will happen next,
all the while keeping where I go when I fly away, a secret.

~Kathryn

written 1/07

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