We wonder how we know when it is time to move on. (not talking about here). In a group we are in, the DID one, it has been a long time since we felt we belonged, we no longer feel we recieve much support from there. We wonder how we know when it is time to move on? I guess we are waiting for this huge sign to tell us but that isn’t likely to happen. It is complicated because we are administrators there, and we feel bad if we leave, but when does it become something that is harmful to us?
We are struggling a lot with words right now. This has taken days to write. December is a very difficult month for us, so I guess this is normal?
Seeing the fathers picture on facebook yesterday has really upset us. Why didn’t we deserve a father? A dad? what did we do that was so terrible? We feel defective and flawed in some fundamental way, how can anyone else like/love us if the father didn’t?
While we were down in nc and sc- we seemed okay. We didn’t have just one member out front, nor did we have a lot of members front as we usually do. And we seemed content. Then we get home and fall apart. And it gets us thinking- why were we different down there? Was it because of who was front a lot were those more together capable members? Was it because we had to be okay and together? What we really wonder though is- was it because we were social? Because we were talking to people and interacting with them? We wonder if we need to be more social here. We know that is hard right now, since we don’t drive, but we are working on that, maybe when we drive again, we need to try to be social. And yet we honestly and this may sound stupid, but we don’t know how to be. It is okay if Nathan is there, we follow his lead, but by ourselves we flounder- we’ve always been this way. We don’t know how to talk to people- how do we learn how to do that? We know much of it is social anxiety issues but surely there is a way beyond that right?