*sigh* I think of Gloria and her sobriety– I think back to conversations we had- How it is a life long process. One particular thing she said sticks out currently.

“Once an addict always an addict. No matter how many years you are sober- you are only one drink/drug away…….”

I agreed with her yet i’m not sure I realized how very true that statement was. How it never gets easier. We took ambien 10-15mg daily for several years. When we got pregnant we stopped. After pregnancy we made the leftovers we had last for quite awhile- about 6 months.

We have been having horrid sleeping problems though. So we thought we would go back on it. We know we were addicted to it. If not physically for sure emotionally. We couldn’t sleep at all without it.

So now we have this prescription again and we are back to taking it nightly. We only take 5mg- and none in the day at all (we used to take it in the day to help panic attacks). It doesn’t knock us out- we still wake up when Troy does so no worries there. However we worked so hard to not use it in pregnancy and here we are right back on it.

Worst of all we have noone to blame but ourselves.

I think of how important Gloria’s sobriety was to her, how she avoided pain medication at the end as much as she could as she didn’t want it to threaten her sobriety-and we wonder is she disappointed in us?



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