Therapy tonite. We are going to see how it goes having it on thursday
instead of saturday. see if that helps with the migraines.
We talked ab out how the mother refuses to tell us about that memory
of being in the therapist office when young. Really what it boils
down to is this. Her refusal to help when we ask for it. We haven’t
asked for her help much in this process. She has shown no interest in
helping. Yet she refuses to do this when we ask. Its our body, our
lives and she has this piece of it, this knowledge that she won’t give
to us. Its really her refusal to help that is huge not so much
whatever the reason we went.
The entire family both sides is all big on secret keeping. Don’t talk
about it or tell…… It is really both sides as well, nana was like
that as well. Just how she was raied. It was how things were back
then. But I’m not doing that. I won’t live with those secrets. I won’t
keep them. I won’t raise troy that way.
And so for that reason and for our own beneift to tell it and let it
go… We will tell our story to carolyn. We talked about the worry as
it isn’t in any neat chronological order, but that doesn’t matter she
said, it doesn’t have to be. What matters is saying it, sharing it,
taking the power back.
We feel tired and drained tonite. Scared too. Scared about telling
our story. Scared about them not approving. Finally know them is the
family. All of them both sides. And they wouldn’t approve but I’m not
telling them, not to mention they don’t have to approve.