Thoughts on affection


See the entry two down on how I show others I love them.  I hate to be touched.  Especially on my arms, but really just at all, unless I’ve asked for it or am expecting it. It makes my skin crawl. Makes me want to run.  Needless to say, Nathan is well aware of this and very good about it. 

Which brings me to the current  thought.

Every so often I just want to sit near him. I want him to put his arm around me, or whatever. Not in a sexual way, just in a what is the word, affectionate way? Loving way?  I just never know how to say that to him. To say those words, seems i don’t know asking to be hurt? Asking to be abused.  No that isn’t right- maybe more like opening myself up to the possibility, or making myself vulnerable.  Yes I think that is it.  I end up acting all strange, hanging around expecting him to read my mind I guess.   I wish I could just say it, but the words just don’t come out. 


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