Doubt

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I Know A Lot Of People Don’t Believe
Borrow from:  http://pilgrimsjourney.tripod.com/id1.html

I know that a lot of people don’t believe in multiple personalities. I find that interesting. I’d rather not believe in it myself 😉 However, given that I live with a group of people in my head who insist they are real, and who take control of my body on a regular basis, I’m trying to learn to accept the fact that they’re real, and have been real since I was about 6 years old.
I’ve wrestled a lot of long, lonely, difficult hours with this.
They’re not imaginary.
They’re not because I’m malingering.
They’re not because I’m well-read about DID.
They’re not there because I’ve seen movies.
They’re not there to get me out of anything.
They’re not there because its “convenient.”
They’re not made up.
They’re not invented so I can stay in therapy longer, or to get attention, or to be cool, or anything like that.
You know why they’re there?
Because stuff happened that my own mind couldn’t handle.
And maybe because I was a little too creative, a little too smart, a LOT too sensitive, a lot too afraid, and subjected to a lot of stuff over and over and over again that I couldn’t face alone.
And you know what the truth is about having this?
It sucks sometimes.
I’ve lost friends.
I’ve lost support.
I have to take responsibility for things that I didn’t even know I did.
I have to fix mistakes that I dont remember making.
I forget things all the time.
Don’t even think about asking me what time it is 😛
I can’t remember my wedding, or college.
Its inconvenient.
Its a pain in the butt.
Its terrifying.
Its about flashbacks and pain and loneliness and fear. And having people you might not even like take up residence inside your head. Imagine taking 9 or 10 (and in some cases, many more) people from different walks of life, with completely different personalities and histories and likes and dislikes, and putting them all in a verysmallroomforaverylongtimetogether and see what develops.
Don’t forget to add in various mental illnesses for a few of them. And a couple of them are just like your abusers, who you’re terrified of or people you can’t stand. Tell them to share this space for and endless amount of time, add one therapist standing outside the door of room who can see inside through a very small window, shake the room up, and enjoy.

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