I did it

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Today in therapy I took a huge step. For the first time we shared a memory. Although we have shared small bits with Carolyn before today, this was the first time we shared a memory in more than just a this happened sort of way. 

It was really difficult to do but I’m proud of me.  Carolyn didnt say I am a liar or gross or anything like that. She was supportive. 

I feel very tired emotionally and physically though not sleep tired. More a worn out tired. I feel scared to sleep, scared I will have nightmares. Scared the grandfather will come back in them or just come back period (he’s been dead nearly 20 years). 

Meagan

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2 responses »

  1. For so long I couldn't understand how one person in a family could hold a clear memory of something and another could deny the veracity of the memory. Then my step-sister shared a story and there was familial anger over the "lie." Only, what my step-sister shared is something I experienced too and I knew it was true and I knew that others were told at the time.And I feel petty even comparing my experience with your own because one is so far removed from the other. But I wanted to share this because until I experienced that denial, how I could know something to be true, and then look at someone I love and hear them say it wasn't . . . well, in some small way I think I understand even if my experience is a misdemeanor in comparison to a criminal offense.

  2. We still struggle with that. When someone else, whether inside or not shares an experience but a different perspective and it isn't the exact same as ours (which face it is quite often) we always think we must be lying, must be wrong. Never feel petty comparing experience, as really you can't. Abuse is abuse, period.

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