raw

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Feeling raw.  Feeling spacey.  And yet. We are determined to stick with the feelings on this- determined to not space it out dissociate it away.  To remember this info.

Carolyn told us that massage would likely set loose some memories. She was right.

We remember when we first started with the memories. We have come so far. So very far, and that deserves our recognition.  There was a time when a memory return would set us unable to function for quite awhile, we’d drink, take drugs, cut….

Now though we try to just sit with it, to allow it, to talk about it. Even to put it away when we have to so we can function. 

And so we sit and we feel raw, and we don’t cut or burn, or drink.  We take our prescribed amount of sleeping med, and try to settle down and sleep.

There is more info in this.  I can see us hiding, crouched,  being as small as possible. And wonder if that figures into the phantom pains we get and even the nerve pain we currently have.   We are so thankful for the chiro, and the massage therapist, and the TENS unit. We had a pain free day for the first time in well in we can’t remember how long.  Turns out we have always been in pain. (ahh the wonders of dissociation.)

Meagan

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