Sunday, April 3, 2011 9:00:18 pm
I just read an article in O magazine. It talks about power. Talks about things/traits that people who have power do. Not power as in power over people, personal power. Then it gives scenerios, examples of situation and what persons with power would do.
The very last line of the article really struck me. Power is mine to claim. Mine to insist on. Mine to own. It isn’t something that I have to get from someone else.
Wow that is huge. I, no we, most of we, have thought of power as something that only others can give to me, only others can take away.
Something that isn’t mine really, but belongs to those people who stole it.
Truth is that yes they did take my power, yes I was helpless, we were helpless, but now we aren’t. Now we can take back our power. Now we can insist on situation that give us power, and not be around people who take that power from us.
We are not at the mercy of others. In fact we allow others the power over us by not claiming it ourselves. We give it away by being a victim. By getting stuck in that role.
I’m reminded of that therapy breakthrough of a few weeks ago, when we realized that by staying the victim we become Troy’s abuser. That gives the power over our lives, troy’s life to the grandfather, to the grandfathers brother, not to mention the mother, and father. In refusing to be the victim we take that power. We stand up and say “no more will we allow you to have that power”.
What about us being an us, being multiple, being many. Although we don’t see it as a disorder and we see how it has saved us, fact is we are many because of the abuse because of the grandfather. Allow the natural progression for us towards whatever merging may come. (this needs a separate journal entry all its own)
What I wonder is this. How to we continue to claim that power as ours in healing, and in life? What do we need to do to claim that power perhaps is a better way to put it. Immediately what comes to mind is our story. We need to tell our story, not just to others, but to ourselves. We need to see it in some narrative, some chronical of events. Do we need to tell it on our blog? In our DID group? To our therapist? Definitely some of them, all of them I’m not sure.
Tattoo, we need to do that. That is something we have always wanted to do, to claim back our body. We need to decide where to put that. Maybe ask others where they have tattoos? Maybe just see where feels right to us?
Find a way to remind ourselves when the memories and whatnot get us stuck in that victim role- that we are not the victim. Maybe ask Carolyn to tell us when we get stuck in that role? Put a quote up somewhere we will see it to remind ourselves?
Continue to move forward by pursuing school.job/volunteer. Get out there in the world- find a group of people to join to perhaps find a friend?
And with that I am done.