Commit To sit- thoughts

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I am really struggling with this. *sigh* I’m feeling angry/upset about it as well.

I had such hopes that this would be what the body has been craving.  But it somehow is not.   I guess I expected to jump in and it would go well and i’d have some insight or something.

Instead………

I can’t seem to make myself do the mid-day meditation.  I don’t know what it is. The few days I did do it- I really got a lot out of it. I felt calmer in the afternoon. So what is holding me back??? 

The evening meditation is just strange…… I end up feeling angry.  Enraged even.  I have no idea where it is coming from (or who?)  or why or what to do with it. It’s almost as though this wall of rage comes and I can’t see past it, can’t feel beyond it.  I just close down with the rage.  

In writing this I had hopes that I’d get some sort of clarification and I have.   A few actually. 

We do already meditate as we need to, we get what we need to out of it. What we need from this month is something else.   Something that we have been neglecting, or missing or something.   Journaling and art is the answer.  The missing piece.   What we need is not to meditate (we do need to explore the afternoon mediation though) but to do more journaling, more art.  

Also I am part of a group in one body. We may not have the need to talk about it as much anymore.  We may even be having some mergings…… but we still are a we. Still switch, etc. I need to realize that not everyone is able to meditate. Not everyone wants to do this.  I can’t expect them too.

I feel better having written this.  Much better.   I got caught up in what the article said to do. Lost track of what Satia said.   That was my mistake.

Sierra

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