Sierra is gone

Standard

Sometimes something thappens and you just don’t know how to put it into words. Just don’t know how to committ it to paper, don’t want to committ it to paper.

We don’t all know about each other or even ourselves. I think that is part of the DID experience for us.   Sierra was around for so long………… One ‘report’ said since the original died.  We’ve only begun to get information recently since sSierra began talking to Carolyn. Born under a tree.  Around a looong time, close to the first. Always been a front, no a host, the host,

We know she’s tired, exhausted, been talking of mergeing- with me meagan.  Not sure what was h0olding her up.  Thought she was doing okay, but then saturday……………….

We found out she had charged a lot on the cc that was just paid off. It is 300 away from the limit again. We weren’t sure that day what she got.  Food she said, stuff to keep the stock going since she knows the year will be tight.  She was sooo upset. In tears out here all day. Nathan said he was upset but not angry at her. In some ways I think that made it worse for her.

That night- nathan came in late told me sierra was in trouble and to go the tree inside…………..

Turns out that she wrote him some sort of text.  Gonna borrow his phone to record that here………….

I’ll put it here when I get it………Phone charging and sincie I’ve taken ambien I only have so much time before I get loopy.

Boiled down to Sierra isn’t coming back, she went in to kill herself.  She was found by someone and talken to Eaglweings where she still is.

Feeling so confused about all this.

She didn’t say bye  and that hurts.

Ya dat hert mi hart sad an no undrstan-mimi

Nathan said she didn’t want us to talk her out of it, that is why she didn’t say bye.  And we would have but no note??? Nathan got a note? She left Troy 2 stuffies, but us? We get nothing. It’s like we meant nothing to her, and that hurts.

Maybe we relyied on her too much. Maybe we let her do too muchf or us that we could have done ourselves, but it made her happy so it seemed.

We miss her, and feel like we have lost a piece, an important piece.

What she did was stupid- spending that money.   But she meant well and didn’t do it all herself. VACA was on there, a month food, clothes for us.   Still I found stuff today I know she was spending, A load of cross-stitch charts, and magazines.

I just feel sad.   Sad she is gone. So does Nathan.   If you talked to the body online you knew Sierra.  She may have thought she was worthless but she was worth a lot to us.

She is still with eaglewings. Very upset that she didn’t get to die. Adamant that she will die, wants to die, has to. She’s in bad shape.   I don’t think she’ll ever be back front.  I don’t know her fate. I hope she merges, we need her skills, but at this point she refuses.

Meagan

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s