We are at the library. Today was therapy day so the afternoon is ours to ourselves. We decided to bring the computer to catch up online. It is nice, though a bit open feeling. Paranoid everyone is reading as I write, but in reality nobody is even looking at me or near me.
Therapy was hard today. We talked about the trip we are taking to Altoona in 3 weeks. We are taking Troy but Nathan is not coming. We will be with the mother(yikes) for two weeks. Helping to pack up nana and paps things, closing the house down.
We really need to do this, and as Carolyn said we are at a spot when we can do this. Not sure we could have a few months ago.
IT was one of the few safe spaces we had when growing up (the library being the other). So it really is important to us to do this. Carolyn thought it made sense that we have to go say bye to the house- bye to the city really as we aren’t sure we will ever go back. In essence really we have to go scoop up those good memories and bring them with us.
Being with the mother will be hard maybe, who knows. Time will tell. Carolyn said we will set up a phone session in case we need to talk, to process or whatever. THat is great we think.
So ya altoona. Where we grew up. For a long time we couldn’t say that. Couldn’t say here the name of the city. It was fear really. fear of being found, fear of the unknown. But no more.
I said it was just a place, no need to fear it, but carolyn said it is more than a place. She said it is our pool of crap- our cesspool. And it is, it was a place of profound loneliness for us. Of pain and sorrow and it isn’t easy to go back. It has only a few good memories and only a few good people.
We aren’t sure what those two weeks will bring us, but we know we will be okay. Know we have the tools to cope. And that matters, that is great.
Nana and pap helped us so much. We really need to help them in this way.
We don’t know that we will have an internet connection. The house doesn’t even have cable anymore. But there is a mc Donalds near. We will go there daily to get online. It will be part of our self care. Carolyn reminded us how important self care will be while we are there.