I’m participating in a blog challenge this month. I am doing it in art journal style. Each week there is a different theme.I’ve decided that 2 is a good number to go for. I am going to try to get 2 posts up a week for the October Memoir blog challenge. If you are interested in learning more about this challenge- hop on over here.
This final week of the challenge the theme is Gratitudes and Regrets. I chose in life to not think in terms of regrets. Although there are things in life I wouldn’t do over again. Had everything not happened as it did happen I may not have Nathan or Troy.
Instead I’m doing my entries on 2 people/animals I am grateful for. How do I put into words how grateful I am for my son.
When my friends said they never wanted kids, I always did. I always wanted children, ever since my mom was pregnant with my brother. When I was in the middle of healing I decided I couldn’t care for a child. To try would have been very irresponsible. I could barely care for me, let alone someone entirely dependent on me. I never imagined I would get far enough that I would be able to have a baby. Never imagined I’d be anything other than the disaster I was. But I did.
Imagine my horror when Troy finally came, after finally realizing my dream, and my postpartum depression was so bad I dreamed of giving Troy away. I got through each day only with the dream the following day I would give him up for adoption. I asked Nathan every day if we could give him away yet. He would say “No, lets wait just another day.” My sister-in-law and my mother-in-law helped me through it. Both giving me invaluable advice on how to get through each day. I finally got the help I needed, the medicine I needed. My world changed. Finally I was able to enjoy Troy, to love him. To be amazed by him. I haven’t looked back.
Oh he drives me crazy as any child does. But I am beyond grateful for him.
The photos are his 2nd birthday where he got his first bike, his first christmas meeting his great nana, going tubing this summer in oklahoma, eating his first apple, riding pawpaw’s tractor, making his first snowman.