I’ve always been the type of person who needed noise. I played music when I was doing school work. I had the tv on most all the time, even if I wasn’t watching it. I hated the quiet. It always left me thinking, which I hated. Back when I was doing heavy healing work, thinking was exactly what I DIDN”T want to do.
I don’t remember where or how I came across meditating. Likely it was when I was trying to help myself from the constant anxiety I lived in. It sounded so simple. Just quiet my mind and sit. Think of nothing. It isn’t as easy though, not at all.
I am a firm believer in changing things to suit me and my needs. I found what works best for me is meditating sitting outside. Something about the fresh air. Especially if it is autumn. Then I feel just amazing. Like I belong. I don’t clear my mind and focus on nothing. Instead I focus on one simple object. When my mind begins to wander, I simply think of my object. I was really surprised at how much better I felt after even 5 minutes of being still. Renewed, invigorated.
Then while mediating one day, I had this realization. It’s a personal realization that I won’t share here, but it shook me to my core. I stopped meditating. I didn’t want another realization. It has taken a year to get back to meditating. I am still fearful of another life altering realization.
With a very active 3 year old, who loves to talk, and a job in the bright lights of a grocery store, I just need the few minutes of quiet time. So I meditate.