Here we are again. I’ve struggled with panic for years. For awhile it was so debilitating I basically avoided leaving the house except for the occasional trip to Meijer (where I now work) and the library.
The thing about having DID is that time is not continuous. This causes all sorts of problems. One of our main problems was the belief that any bad feeling we had would last forever. When it came to panic this was terrifying and made the panic that much worse. Each time the panic came I would fight it and fight it completely convinced that if I allowed it to engulf me it would last forever. It was a terrible cycle and I lived from panic attack to panic attack. Sometimes they lasted for days.
I’m not sure what changed, or when. Now we have a better grasp that time exists and nothing lasts forever. This is a huge help with panic. It makes it a little more tolerable. I know that if I just hang in there, the panic will end.
I also now have a “tool box” of things I can do that help with the panic or at least pass the time.
It’s coming into a bad time of year for me- March and April have always been bad. For the longest time I didn’t even know the months existed. I thought it went from february to may. I am not sure if that is why the panic attacks are bad again.
I have to remember to use my tools, including this journal. I recently have a group of followers that are new and like the art journal entries. I feel sort of weird posting this for them to read. But they can choose to skip these entries if they so chose. (i’ve got a few art journal entries in the works though)