This entry is non art journal related. If you read my blog for that you may want to skip this.
Tonight my cousin reminded me of my abuser, my grampy ( not the one who died recently) and how he used to let everyone haVe sugar before sending us home. She actually tagged me in a Facebook thing. Only she knows he was my abuser.
Why would she tag me in that? I don't want to be reminded of him, ever. I don't have those happy memories she has, or my other cousins have. I remember the terror and abuse. Those are my memories.
She reminded me of how he used to buy us brach's pick a mix either before or after, some sick reward I guess. For a very long time I had to skip the aisle in the grocery with the brach's candy. I couldn't get anywhere near it.
Now I'm reminded of it. I feel sick, and small. I'm also angry that she tags me in that shit. Wtf? It's rude at best says my sis in law. Know what? She's right.
I feel less than, and bad, and dirty, and different. And again like why me, why do they seem to not have any bad memories or abuse and I did?